Before we get down to the nitty gritty of what defines the Roommate from Hell and what to do should you end up with one, let's examine some of the downsides to sharing your home with a roommate. Most notably, you will lose a certain sense of privacy in the shared rooms such as the kitchen, bathroom, and living room. This could be even more of an issue if you and your roommate have small living quarters, which is common in the larger cities such as New York or Chicago. But if you establish a good relationship with your roommate early on, then you can work through any problems that arise. Key piece of advice: Good communication is a must if you want to prevent ending up with a bad roommate.

You are probably thinking that someone who ends up with a horrible roommate should have done a better job of screening roommate applicants. However, you might be surprised to learn that most inconsiderate roommates end up being close friends who decide to live together. You might think that since two people get along so well and are such good friends, that living together would add to their relationship, rather than destroy it. But people who are compatible at bars and sporting events or even at the office do not always work as great roommates. No matter whether you choose to live with a friend you've known forever or a total stranger, you need to communicate early on with your roommate. That way if a troublesome situation occurs that threatens your state of bliss at home, you will feel comfortable addressing it.

Prevention Tactics

So how do you spot the Roommate from Hell and avoid her? Think beyond the obvious answers, such as meeting someone briefly for coffee or reading over their application form. Asking if a potential roommate likes pop music or black olives on their pizza doesn’t cut it; you won't get get below the surface area of compatibility. It’s great that you are looking for someone who likes the same things you like, but you need to know what kind of questions to ask to see if someone is responsible and respectful in addition to being fun and like-minded. Do they have a stable income? Any credit problems? Do they work at night and need to sleep during the day? Do they have a girlfriend or boyfriend, and will that person be spending a lot of time at the apartment? Do they have references from past roommates? These questions may seem like a buzz-kill for what should be an enjoyable process, but signing a lease with someone is serious commitment and these questions can help you avoid choosing a potential demon-roommate possessed with making your life a living hell.

Once you’ve chosen the person you want to live with you need to set up rules and boundaries before you sign the lease. You need to find out if you and your new roommate share the same general ideas about how to handle chores, pay bills, deal with guests, particularly overnight guests. Talk about what the bathroom schedule will be like. Discuss if you will share things like groceries or even shampoo, or tell your potential roommate if you prefer to keep things separate. Talk about boundaries for your bedrooms and whether or not there can be smoking in the apartment. Find out if your roommate is an early-riser or a night owl, and if you and your roommate are not totally compatible, set some rules about how loud the TV and music can be at certain hours of the day. Seriously consider signing a roommate agreement form, which is an informal document which purpose is to set these general rules in writing. A lot of things don’t need to be set in stone, but you at least need to start talking about what you expect of each other before you move in. Once both your names are on that lease, you are stuck together for at least a year, and that can be a very long time if your new roommate turns out to be that Roommate from Hell.

I'm in a Roommate from Hell story. What do I do?

It's still possible that, even after taking all the proper precautions, you end up living with a Roommate from Hell. You might find out immediately if your roommate fails to pay the rent and security deposit on time. And it's definitely a bad sign when you go out for the evening and come home to find reminants of a wild party; beer bottles and trash are everywhere and there are strange people knocked out in your bed. These random bouts of inconsiderate behavior will begin to become consistent to the point where they're on your nerves 24/7. And it doesn't have to be 'big things'. It could start with consistent small things, like leaving dirty dishes in the kitchen sink for days or playing loud music until 3am on weeknights, even after you‘ve asked them multiple times to keep the speakers off after midnight. They might drink all the milk and replace the empty carton in the fridge, or they might 'borrow' jewelry from your bedroom without asking you first (or worse: borrowing and never returning!). A college roommate of mine used to run the air conditioner in her bedroom all day long during the summer months, even when she wasn’t in the apartment, causing our electric bills to be exorbitantly high. And even after I commented on the fact that she was wasting energy and causing the electric bill to soar, she expected me to split the utility bill. No way!

One of the worst Roommate From Hell stories I’ve ever heard is about a hopelessly inconsiderate man, Roger, who gave his girlfriend a key to the apartment he shared with his roommate Bob. Roger never even mentioned it to Bob, who should have had a say in the people who had access to the apartment (this, by the way, is a real security issue). Roger's girlfriend used her key to move into the apartment, monopolizing the bathroom in the mornings when Bob would need to get ready for work, and then she would take over the television set in the evenings when Bob wanted to play video games. She was there very single day and eventually Bob confronted Roger and demanded that if the girl was going to be a third roommate that she needed to pay rent.

If your living situation is becoming more and more like a living nightmare, then you need to confront your roommate with the problems directly and immediately. Don’t be passive-aggressive and leave nasty Post-It notes on the fridge, as tactics such as this are completely ineffective. Don't be afraid to step up and tell your roommate that the loud music they consistently play at 3am really bothers you. If you don't say anything to them, they won't care, so it's your job to make them realize the severity of the situation. As tempting as it sounds, do not raise your voice when confronting your roommate. Remain calm and firmly explain to them the issue and what they need to do to help resolve it. If you use common sense and present your case in a logical manner, you may be surprised when your roommate agrees with you. It’s more likely that your roommate is not doing anything just to be mean-spirited; they just never learned that you have to be considerate and respectful of other people.

If your living situation really spins out of control and you feel that you can no longer live with your roommate, consider consulting a mediator. If you really love your home, and moving out is not an option, then a mediator is definitely worth the cost. But if the drama is really putting a strain on your overall quality of life, you should explore alternative living situations. You should talk to your landlord if you plan to breaking the lease. Or consider finding a replacement for yourself (this is called "subletting"). Maybe your Roommate from Hell knows someone that he or she would like to live with (good luck to them). Whatever the case, you can always find a solution to the roommate problem.

It’s highly unlikely that your roommate will ever be so terrible that you’ll have to move out of your home or apartment. The Roommate from Hell situation is quite rare, but the bottom line is that you should never have to share a bathroom or a television set with an annoying and inconsiderate roommate. Remember, your home is your sanctuary, and it's up to you to keep it that way.

Krista Jansen graduated from New York University with a B.F.A. in Cinema Studies and a B.A. in Psychology.  She pursues her passions for film and pop culture by writing movie reviews and short stories about her experiences living and working in New York City. 

The exclusive article above may not be re-printed online or offline or published without permission from iHomeConnect.